4 Steps toward your BEST relationship EVER!

Here is the B.E.S.T acronym that I have used since 1988 to help me have the best marriage possible. This was shared with me by a mentor/professor named Forrest Arnold.  I was taking a summer course at Central Bible College during my 6-month engagement to Tricia. I have told this to countless men who have shared great stories of success after putting these things into daily use. Their wives have even said things to me like, “Wow! Who is this new man and what did he do with my old husband!” You’ve probably heard me say these before, but it is because it works!

B – Bless your wife every day by taking her to God. Pray with her and share what the Lord has spoken in your heart through the Word that day. No matter how large or small an effort you personally put in, take her to the Lord each day. It doesn’t have to be a big, planned time of devotions… she just needs to know that YOU are spending time with God. This will set in her heart that God has made you the priest of the home. This will open you up to all the blessing that He has in store for your family.

E – Encourage your wife each day by telling her how much you appreciate her. Things like…”The outfit looks amazing on you!” or “Honey, thanks for how hard you work at: mothering our kids/working on your education/keeping our house together/etc.” These words of encouragement are vital in helping your wife to feel appreciated for the effort she puts in each day to keep things running in the home and staying pretty for YOU. Make her day by noticing the little things. This will yield BIG results!

S – Share intimate conversation with her every day. These conversations must have nothing to do with physical intimacy. It is all about sharing who you are as a person. When you come home at the end of the day and she asks how your day went, don’t just say, “fine.” She needs to know how you FEEL about what went on during the day…who you met, how you felt about your interactions with people…what were you excited or frustrated about during the day. She wants to be involved in your life. Almost all men have difficulty initiating this kind of conversation. It does not come naturally to us. Women, however, are relational creatures. This kind of conversation flows from them without even having to think about it. I have found that I must concentrate and focus hard to make this happen. I would rather just shut down at the end of the day and relax or find something to distract me from the day. But she has been waiting all day for the moment when she can connect with you! Don’t hold back on meeting this need! It will take an effort to recall and put into words what went on in your life that day, but the words will be like gold and silver to her ears.

T – Touch your wife every day with no expectation of return. This is one of the most challenging areas for a guy. We are quick to let our hands wander to the “hot zones” without even thinking about it. But you’ve got to remind yourself that our wives’ interpretation of touch is very different from ours. She needs you to touch her, and touch her often! But before you can EVER go to the hot zones, you have to hold her hand, open her door, caress her arm, put your hand on the small of her back when you walk through a door together, run your fingers through her hair, touch her face when you kiss her… but stay away from the “zones” during the day. Do all these things and do them often, but don’t give her the signal that you are expecting more. When a touch is given freely with no strings attached, the rest will come much more readily. We often go straight from dinner to what might happen in the bedroom later. She likely has many emotional hurdles to cross before her heart will ever get to where your hands are straying. The pressure of touch with expectation often has the opposite effect of what we are hoping for. Being patient in this case definitely pays big dividends! These things might not seem that big right now, but trust me, just like money slowly invested over time, you will find yourself with a huge “

These things might not seem that big right now, but trust me, just like money slowly invested over time, you will find yourself with a huge “nest egg” of relational rewards. This concept has produced overwhelming affection from my wife as well as the wives of other men who have put it into practice. These principles will become a part of who you are as a husband. You probably won’t remember to do every one of these every day, but hitting them all regularly will make them habits. You must not just “try this out” to see how it works. She’ll know something is up and it won’t produce anything but suspicion. B.E.S.T. works best when it is from the heart and initiated slowly. I use the letters B E S & T somewhere in almost all of my passwords…that way I am constantly reminded to do them. I hope this will be a blessing! You’re the BEST!

Copyright – Scott Murrish 2016


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